Valentine's Day Disturbances

Just like everybody, my childhood wasn't exactly something I'd like to repeat without changing a lot of drastic details.

This V-Day, I drove 3 hours to visit my 12 year old brother whom I hadn't seen in a year. The boy has changed a lot. I figured it would be the time of my life, but his step-mom, who mind you is 53, started yelling at me. For no good reason. For about 20 minutes she just repeated herself and kept telling me to appologize. Through a tear stained face of pure hurt and confussion I appologized about 10 times for something that I cannot say I should have appologized for in the first place. The whole time, Nick and his dad kept telling her to be quiet and go outside and leave me alone. I wanted to snap. I was crying so hard I wanted to throw up. Third time I've had a panic attack.

After Nick and I escaped and went to the park, we returned and she was appologizing and offering me a hug. I was wondering if it was safe. We all sat down and talked about how it was really my mother she had wanted to lash out on and that I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. She didn't quite understand that Mom and I don't have the communication she thinks we do.

Nick has scabbies. They're disgusting mites that get into your skin and lay eggs... gross much? Yeah, well it gets better. Poor kid went to 3 doctors before finally diagnosed and given a perscription that worked. He's mad at mom for it because he got them at her house and the cream burned. It's a freakin pesticide...

More interesting things came out. Like the possibility Mom got married and then divorced after my mom and dad split up. And there was 3 other children involved I've never met in my life.

And then on top of that, Nick told me that while I was in school, Mom would say she was going to go check the mail and for him to stay in his room and not look out the windows until she got back. So he'd take a nap. Get up and she wouldn't be back. He'd play with his toys for awhile, she still wouldn't be back... and then a couple hours or so later, she'd come back... He figured I knew so he never told me.

I knew my mom was kind of wacked out, but I never thought she'd do something as horrible as leaving a 3-4 year old home alone for a couple hours! It's rediculous! I couldn't me the mother I was to him while I was in school, and now part of me blames myself for not knowing.

But the scariest part is what I imagine happens at home with her now. She's got my 5 year old autistic brother back home with her. She couldn't ever handle him when he was a baby, so I took care of him.

Nick told me that last time he was home with her and Jared, that on the way to take him back to his dad's, Jared hit him. Pretty hard too. And Mom pulled over like a mad woman and started spanking him, a lot, and really hard. Apparently people got out of their cars and started taking pictures or whatever on their cell phones. She noticed and then jumped back into the car and sped off.

Needless to say, I'm worried my brother is being abused and I can't do anything about it. I don't want him circulating foster homes, because I've seen what happens to them. If I had a higher paying job, I'd adopt him. I'm so confused and frustrated.

I've planned on seeing Nick again in two weeks, but my car happened to just die and I don't know if I'll get to see him. Hopefully, we'll get it fixed and everything will be ok. I just want him to grow up happy and loved, unlike me. He deserves it. And so does Jared.

This post is longer than expected. Sorry... Ending it here.

<3 PJ